I woke up this morning with a wee little ache somewhere in my gut. Not the ache that comes with too much junk food and beer the night before, and not the ache that arises from certain biological blessings the world has laid upon womankind. Nope, none of those.
My peers, my friends, my favourite people, all go back to school this week. This means a lot of them leave the city to move back to their respective schools. Far away. This means a lot of goodbyes. Normally this is ok; every year it is bittersweet but usually I am going back to class too where I'll be reunited with other friends. I also know I'll be able to see everyone again at reading week. This year, this isn't the case. I've got a few weeks of... well, nothing really, and then I go away for 5 months and I don't see anyone until I get back in June.
Of course it's only 5 months and this premature nostalgia seems a little silly, because I mean, PARIS (need I say more?). It's going to be the adventure of a lifetime.
We all know how time is finicky, how it twists out of proportion when it looms ahead of you and you're scared, then how quickly it actually slips away from you when you're trying to live in the moment. My days of sitting in adorable french cafes and walking by the Seinne and exploring Paris are already numbered and I'm not even there yet.
I'll be back before anyone knows it.
For now though, the goodbyes are unpleasant and difficult. I'm bad with goodbyes, especially when I know they're temporary (most of them). I want to make them count. I'm one of those saps who wants everyone to know how important they are to me even when I'm not leaving somewhere for a long period of time. When the time comes though, I bite my tongue because it just seems silly to pour my heart out for a temporary separation. Especially because I don't know how other people feel about me necessarily.
There's also my family with whom I am extremely close. I am lucky though; I will be home just in time for my younger brother's grade 8 graduation, I will be present for two of my cousins' weddings this summer, and I know everyone will be here when I'm back. But I will miss them greatly. They are my daily dose of something happy and supportive; they are a big portion of the glue that holds me together.
I don't mean to start off my Paris documentation on a negative note. I actually try to look at it this way: I am an incredibly lucky girl to have so many wonderful people I'll miss with all my heart. There's no one I'm hoping to "get away from", or that it'll be nice to "take a break from". I will miss them all, and that is a bittersweet good thing.
Yes, there will be a few ouchies. A few rough goodbyes and I'll even admit to a few tears (but I'll only admit to a few!). I guess that comes with the territory of these sorts of adventures, of doing things for yourself, and of letting yourself sincerely love the people around you, and in all of these things there is insurmountable beauty that make it all a thousand times worth it.
Also, thank goodness for wifi and Skype... seriously.