This time last year I was planning (and worrying) about the most exciting adventure I've embarked on in the short time thus far that I've been on this earth. I was moving away from everyone and everything I knew to study in a foreign country, France, for 5 months! Sure, I spoke the language. I had connections there; an old friend who coincidentally was going to be there at the same time; a school program to welcome me and give me some structure and a place to meet people... of course, I would be fine.
It's really weird to think back to the whirlwind of emotions I was feeling. I was so damn excited, but so nervous. The combo was overwhelming! I had started seeing someone, a really nice guy, but it was silly and bittersweet because I knew I was leaving in just a month and that things would end. I was so scared I'd hate the school program; that I'd get sad and not have my circle of support, my friends and family, there to cheer me up. I was scared of the dangers that come with living alone as a young female in a foreign land. I was scared that I would love it so much that I wouldn't want to come back - that I'd be torn between a city and my life back home.
So, we've established that I was scared. Alongside all this worrying I became really close friends with a boy who I have always been able to talk to fluidly, whose opinion I cherish. He told me:
"I think it's a good thing you're
scared, because if you were completely comfortable, what's the point?
What could you learn, how would you grow?""
If you've been following for a while now, you'll remember me posting about this almost a year ago here! I also wrote how this inspired me to choose a single New Years mantra, to Have Courage.
Let me tell you; this mantra was the most perfect coupling of words to remind myself of this entire year. It's been an amazing 12 months - and part of it is because of the decision to throw myself headfirst into life and all its little or big adventures, and not let my nerves hold me back. The boy who told me those words is the great guy I'm currently seeing and he is still the very best, and I am glad we both had the courage and patience to wait the 5 months until I came back home. And Paris? Absolutely life changing, as cheesy and cliché as that sounds. I embraced it the very best I could and had so many adventures, made so many friends and memories that I will forever hold dear to my heart. I constantly remind myself to have courage and it helps me to fully enjoy my every day and wahtever opportunity comes my way. Life is so, so full and so good.
I don't know if I really WANT to change my mantra for 2015, it served me so well this year. Maybe I can just come up with a second one, an additional mantra. Can't hurt, right?!
Do you make New Years resolutions, or have a mantra?